Reflection...

Last night was one on of the most amazing nights ever. Sounds silly, because to most people it probably sounds like I didn't do anything, but to me, it was the best thing I could of done.

Monday night, I just sat on my bed, it was the first night I actually had time to just sit, and breathe, it felt amazing. I wasn't really thinking about anything, but I was thinking about everything, if that makes sense? Sometimes there's so many different thoughts running through your head, you don't actually know what you're thinking... 

But anyway, as I sat there, quietly, no music, no T.V. no thinking about assignments, my mind focused on the Temple. It was weird. I just had to go, and if it wasn't a Monday, I would of went. So I just pondered for a minute, "why did I need to go the Temple?" I couldn't think of a reason, so I left it, got into bed, and relaxed. Amazing.

Then, on Tuesday, during institute, I thought the same thing, I need to go to the Temple. Again, I thought, "why do I need to go to the Temple? I'm not going to be able to go in..." But, I knew I had to go.

Wednesday, the only day left in the week where I didn't have plans. The day I had to go to the Temple. I text Sarah, and told her what I was thinking, and she was up for it. So, with a little thought, and being a bit spontaneous, we got in the car, and went to the Temple. All the way there, we were trying to think why? But, it didn't matter, we were on our way. 

Sarah and I went to get some food at the pub across the road (Yes, two Mormons in a pub...), which was actually really funny, we talked, and we laughed, we mainly laughed. It felt good, I laughed so hard, I was almost crying, it felt so good to just do that. The food was good too.

After our little trip to the pub, we went to The Temple, we had a wee wonder around the grounds, took a few pictures. Then we found a bench, and we just sat. We kinda talked a little, but we mainly just sat in silence. It was so peaceful, so quiet. Time had actually stopped, for that hour or two we sat there, nothing else in the WHOLE world mattered. It was beautiful. 

On reflection, the only reason that I can think of why I had to dive to the Temple was because I needed to feel that peace, that quietness, the calmness that is felt there. I don't think I've ever felt it anywhere else. It's a hard feeling to describe, and I guess it's probably something you have to experience for yourself.

I'm so grateful that I live close enough to the Temple to just drive there in under an hour. I'm grateful for the spirit that is felt there, and for the peacefulness it brings to my life. I'm grateful that Sarah could come with me, and I'm pretty sure there was a reason she had to come too.

Sitting at the Temple made me remember that phrase from The Lion King - "Hakuna Matata" which is Swahili, and when literally translated, it means "There are no worries." 

My life was pretty stressful, it was too busy, I made it that way, but I wouldn't change it, and I might sometimes complain, but, I'm going to try and remember "Hakuna Matata," because there doesn't need to be any worries.

"Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men." ~ John F. Kennedy.

Success...

"In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure." - Bill Cosby.

In life we face many different challenges, some big, some small. To others they may seem simple, but to you they seem huge. 

We turn our attention to many different things, they might be finishing your G.C.S.E's at school, doing your A Levels, or your college course. It might be getting your Uni Degree, it might be learning to drive, getting a new job, or becoming a parent. These things can be difficult, these things can make us scared, they can make us feel like we aren't good enough to reach our goals.

We might be scared that we might fail, or that we might let others down. But, the truth is, if we try our best, it will be enough. Nobody else can tell you that you wont achieve, or that you didn't do good enough. 

Sitting in the library at Uni today, yes on a Saturday, I was thinking, it would be easy to just finish this essay with what I've got written down now, submit it on Monday, and then just resit it in the Summer. But, then I realised, I'm just scared that I will fail, when really, I should be thinking "I got this!"

Right now my desire for success is greater than my fear of failure, I know I can do this degree, and I know I can reach my goals.

One of the main reasons I wan't to be a teacher is because too often are people told they aren't good enough, that they wont be able to do something. But who are they to tell you that? And how will you ever know if you can do something, unless you try?

I want to be able to tell my students that they ARE good enough, that they WILL reach their goals, they just have to believe in themselves, and let go of their fears.

I know where I want to go with my life, and I kinda know how I'm going to get there, but different things might happen, and things might change. But, I know that if I let go of my fears, I will achieve.

"In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure." - Bill Cosby.

Remember, your best is your best, and you are good enough to do what you want.

Count your many blessings...

"Regardless of our circumstances, each of us has much for which to be grateful if we will but pause and contemplate our blessings." Said Thomas S. Monson. I read this quote, and wondered, how often do I actually stop, and think about the blessings I have in my life? A quick reflection makes me think, never! Well, not enough anyway. I have so much to be grateful for. 

In church, we have a Hymn called "Count your many blessings" which starts like this:

When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,

When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,

Count your many blessings; name them one by one,

And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.

Count your blessings;

Name them one by one.

Count your blessings;

See what God hath done.

Count your blessings;

Name them one by one.

Count your many blessings;

See what God hath done

Today, whilst I'm sitting in uni, thinking about assignments, and other things, my mind began to wonder. Partly because I get bored easily, and I get distracted, but, partly because I was thinking about things I'm grateful for, and things that make me happy. So I thought, I'd count them. Clearly I'm not going to write them all down, that would take too long, and it would be boring...

But here we go:

1. I'm grateful for my testimony
2. I'm grateful for my family
3. I'm grateful for my friends
4. I'm grateful that I'm at uni
5. I'm grateful that I can drive, and that my Nan lets me drive her car
6. I'm grateful that I have a roof over my head
7. I'm grateful that I have people who support me, and listen to me rant
8. I'm grateful for my iPhone (It's awesome!)
9. I'm grateful I can be my own person, no matter what other people say
10. I'm grateful people respect my opinions
11. I'm grateful I'm lucky enough to know how to read, and write
12. I'm grateful for my trials, even though I hate them when I'm going through them
13. I'm grateful for how much my Mum and Dad went without, so that I could have
14. I'm grateful for those moments when I can't stop laughing
15. I'm grateful for the memories of the past
16. I'm grateful for those people who taught me so much about myself, ans those that taught me in general
17. I'm grateful for music, without it, these trips in the library would feel like death
18. I'm grateful for the sunshine, it makes everything look better 
19. I'm grateful for my callings at church, the primary and the YSA are ace!
20. I'm grateful for my smile...

There are loads more things that I could be grateful for, some of them being more important than others, but nevertheless, I'm grateful for them. I am lucky to live the life I live. 

I know I'm not always a happy chappy, but there are always reasons to be, so I'm going to try better, and I'm going to take more moments to think about why I'm happy, and what I'm grateful for, especially in those hard times. 

"Regardless of our circumstances, each of us has much for which to be grateful if we will but pause and contemplate our blessings." - Thomas S. Monson.

A little challenge for us all... Smile like you mean it... :)

100 mph

This week has been one of those crazy weeks, you know the ones where everything feels like its going about one hundred miles an hour, and if you blinked, you'd miss it? We all have them, and sometimes there's nothing we can do, apart from deal with it.. That's just the way it is.

This week, I feel like I've not had chance to sit down and just relax, it's been crazy! I wouldn't have it any other way though, I might get a bit grumpy, and majorly tired, so I apologise if you're someone that I rant at or something, I don't mean it, its the lack of sleep. :)

But, on one of my journeys home this weekend, I wasn't paying too much attention to the speed I was going, and when I looked down I was going WAY over the speed limit... I was on the motorway, so I'll leave it up to your imagination to decide what speed I was going...

But anyway, as I looked at how fast I was going it reminded me of my life, I am always rushing around like a headless chicken, with a 'todo' list that's longer than my arm. There's no point in complaining about it, I just deal with it. I kinda makes life more interesting, and the things have to be done... 

Then today, I was listening to the radio on the way to church, it was the only thing keeping me awake if I'm honest.. But, as I listened to the lyrics of a song, I realised, sometimes we just don't take a minute to be happy, and we don't take a minute to just smile, we focus on all the things we have to be doing, or on things that aren't too important, like money and all that jazz...

If we just took a minute to breathe, and to reflect, and to smile, life would be so much easier, none of the things we were caught up in would matter, well at least for few minutes anyway...

Jessie J's Price Tag -

Seems like everybody’s got a price,
I wonder how they sleep at night.
When the tale comes first,
And the truth comes second,
Just stop, for a minute and
Smile
Why is everybody so serious!
Acting so damn mysterious
You got your shades on your eyes
And your heels so high
That you can’t even have a good time.
Everybody look to their left (yeah)
Everybody look to their right (ha)
Can you feel that (yeah)
Well pay them with love tonight

It’s not about the money, money, money
We don’t need your money, money, money
We just wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag
Ain’t about the (ha) Cha-Ching Cha-Ching.
Aint about the (yeah) Ba-Bling Ba-Bling
Wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag.

Sometimes life is busy, sometimes life is crazy, sometimes life is going at a pace that's too fast, but... "Just stop for a minute, and smile."

So this picture seems a bit random, but we all just stopped for a minute, and smiled.

I'm grateful I have my little sister and brothers in my life.

They make me smile!



Determination.

According to the Oxford Dictionary, determination means:

"The quality of being determined; firmness of purpose."

Today I went back to my old high school, it was pretty weird. Walking towards the school gates by myself, it felt like it was my first day in school, I don't know why, it just did.

I walked into the reception area, and the lady at the desk looked at me like she recognised me, but she asked me my name, and who I wanted to see, so I told her, then it clicked, she remembered who I was.

I waited a few minutes for the school bell to go before I went to see my teachers. Hearing that bell again was so weird.

I walked into the classroom, and the teacher looked pretty happy to see me. I don't know why. But we began to chat about how I was getting on at Uni and things, and then she had to go to a meeting. So I thought I'd have a look if any of my other teachers were around. I walked up the stairs, and went into a classroom, but there was no teacher there. But then she came through the door. It was obvious that she wasn't expecting anyone to be there, and she looked at me with a pretty confused face. After a few seconds, she realised who I was, and we began chatting about uni, and other things. Then she had to go to a meeting.

Before I went home, I thought I'd have a look for my old head of year, I took a wonder around "blue block," but he wasn't there, so I thought I'd go home. Then I bumped into him, about to tell someone off, nothing ever changes, eh?
Anyways, we walked towards the main reception whilst chatting, I had the same conversation with him that I'd has with the others...
"How are you getting on at uni?" "Whats the travel like?" "Are you experiencing Uni life?" "Do you enjoy what you are doing?"

Truth is, I'm getting on fine at uni, I'm managing to get good grades, and I know if I actually put some effort into the assignments, I'd do better.
The travel can be bad sometimes, one and a half, to two hours on a bus can be pretty boring.

I'm experiencing Uni life the way I want, I go out with my friends, I feel the stress of assignments, and I have fun!
But, I don't enjoy part of my course, an opinion is forced upon me, and I don't fully agree with it.

Telling him this, he said: "Things can be hard, but you've always had determination, and you've always will."

Recently I've been thinking that I didn't want to teach, and that I wouldn't be good at it despite what people keep telling me. But walking around school, and talking to my teachers, I realised that teaching has always been my dream, I have always wanted to make a difference in people's in lives, and at the risk at sounding like a geek, I want to help people enjoy school, because I did.

We can all achieve different things, we just have to keep our determination, and have a "firmness of purpose."

Steve Jobs once said: "You've got to find what you love... if you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle."

I think I've found what I love, and I'm going to keep determined, and reach my goal.

When things get tough, keep being positive, and keep being strong. You can achieve.

You are you, be proud.

Recently, I've been thinking about who I am, and what I stand for.

I am, a daughter, a granddaughter, a sister, an auntie, a cousin, a niece, a friend. I  am a University student,  I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I am a teacher to my peers, I am a teacher to children.

I am proud of who I am, I am proud of what I have achieved, and I am proud of what I stand for.

I'm not better than anyone else, I don't really have any talents that I can share with anyone, I'm not a cleaver person, I'm not the loudest person, but I'm not too shy either, but this is me, and I'm proud of this.

I don't fit that picture that the world has of people, my hair isn't perfect, I don't have a size zero figure, and my clothes aren't the same as most people's, but that doesn't matter, why would I want to be the same as everyone else?

I hate the way the world makes people feel, it makes people feel like they aren't good enough to achieve what they want, they don't look the same, so they don't fit in, or they are ugly.

We were all made to be different, if we all looked and acted the same, imagine how boring the world would be?

It is sometimes easier said than done, but we need to be proud of who we are, and what stand for. We need to stop thinking we have to fit this 'perfect' view of people, because no one is perfect.

We need to remember that we have each other for help when we are down, and we need to remember that we are loved.

I am lucky to know that the worth of souls is great in the sight of God, this makes me happy, this makes me proud of who I am. I know I'm not perfect, I'm a long way from it, but I'm trying to be the best that I can, and I'm proud of this.

The reason I wrote this post is because reading other people's blogs, and chatting with people has made me realise we can all feel this, it can come in forms of loneliness, or feeling worthless, and like no one cares. But I care, and other people care.

I don't really know who reads these posts, if any one does, and I know not everyone shares my religion, but I thought I'd finish with one of my favourite scriptures...

"Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God." - Doctrine and Covenants 18:10

So when you feel like no one cares, remember He does.

Be Strong. Be true. Be you.

But most of all, try to be happy.

Farmer Ted

Farmer Ted is 13 years old, and has been one of my best friends for as long as I can remember.

Farmer Ted pretty much always has a smile on his face, which makes me smile, and he has a wicked sense of humour which makes me laugh.

He is kind of at that age where hugs are for losers, but not him, he will always give me a hug, and he has no problem with coming up to my room for a little chat and a giggle.

We have so much fun together, we don't even have to be doing anything in particular, just being together is fun!

Sure there are times when Farmer Ted is annoying, when I wish he would leave me alone to sleep, or let me concentrate on something that I was doing.

But I wouldn't change him for the world, he knows how to pick me up when I feel down, he knows I am always there for him, and I know he is always there for me.

I know I don't tell people enough, and I don't actually remember the last time I told him this, but I love Farmer Ted, and the happiness he brings into my life.

Farmer Ted is my little brother, and he isn't a farmer, but he is one of the coolest, most thoughtful people I know. He is a great example to me, and he probably doesn't even know it.

I guess we can't pick our family, but we can pick our friends, I just got lucky that my  little brother is both. I love spending time with him, and look forward to our little road trip at the weekend.

My brother makes me happy. Try to find someone that makes you happy, it makes life easier...

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival." - C. S. Lewis"

Why my sister is one of my heroes

My little sister is almost 17 years old, so I guess you could say, she's not so little any more, but to me, she will always be my baby sister.

We have never really been close, she would never come to me if something was wrong, I would never go to her, I mean, why would we? We were hardly friends...

Truth is, I love my little sister, always have, always will, fact. She may be a pain in the neck sometimes, but I guess, thats what they're there for, right?

Me and my sister have really different personalities, we like different things, we do different things for fun, we have a completely different outlook on life. To her, I was the"goody goody church girl." To me, she was "the rebel". We didn't really talk much.

So, at the age of 15 when she found out she was pregnant, I was pretty angry and upset, all different thoughts were going through my head, "Why would she throw her life away?!" "She could have so much, why would she do this?!" ...

I guess it was her life, her choice, I needed to get off my high horse, and accept this, but I couldn't, I was upset, and I couldn't control how I felt.

We argued even more now, we'd say mean things to each other. Make each other feel worse about what was going on in our lives.

After many arguments, I think we both realised we needed each other. She could be a great mum, but she was going to need all the help she could get, so why wouldn't I give it to her?

After we realised this, we became closer, we could talk to each other, and we'd actually have a laugh, and talk about the baby and the future. She asked me to be one of her birthing partners, how privileged did I feel? I would be there to help my little sister, and witness the birth of my niece...

But then it went wrong, my sister said she'd not felt the baby move properly in a day or two, so we thought maybe she'd engaged, after all, it was about 2 days before her due date... She went to the hospital with my Mum and Nan, some tests were done, but there was no heartbeat, I was devasteded, how could this happen?
How did my sister feel? Her world had been turned upside down again, someone she loved had gone! She must have felt a billion times worse than me. I knew she needed me, and her family more than ever now...

We all did our best to help each other, but I guess it doesn't really matter what anyone says, the pain wouldn't go away. We just had to love each other, and be there all the time...

I guess the reason I called this post "The reason my sister is one of my heroes" is because I admire her for deciding she would be a mum at 15, it might not of been ideal, but she would do a great job.

I admire her even more for the way she is dealing with the loss of her baby girl. It's a horrible thing to ever have to go through, and something you would not wish upon anyone.

I admire the way she is trying to get her life back on tack, she is at college, doing what she wants to do.

She is still a pain in the neck. But, she's my little sister, and I love her. And I know, she will be a great mum in the future.

I never wrote this to make people feel down, or to make people feel sorry for what my sister, or my family went through. I guess I wrote it because I needed somewhere to put my feelings, and I hope that it doesn't upset anyone, because that was not my intention.

I've asked her permission to write this, but she has no idea what I have written, and I have no idea if she will ever read it...

"Fall down seven times, get up eight." - Japanese Proverb.

Sometimes in life, we're given challenges, things might happen that we might never understand, but we have to try our best, keep our chins up, and charge the mountain. It's easier said than done, but remember, you're never alone, people are there to help you.

Keep trying to be happy...

Why I Choose To Be Happy

Abraham Lincoln once said "People are as happy as they make up their minds to be." This is something I am a great believer of.

I remember a time at school, when I was walking down the corridor, when my head of year at the time, was about to walk past me. He did the usual thing, asked about how I was getting on with school work and things, but then he asked a question, which I thought was kind of weird, he said, "Jade, why are you always so happy?" After having a quick think to myself, I replied, "I just don't believe in being sad Sir." He just smiled, and carried on walking, and I went back to my classroom. Nothing eles was said.

I often wonder why he asked me that question, do I always look happy? If so, what am I happy for?

On reflection, I realise, I have so many reasons to be happy, I have a great family that love me, I have friends that make me smile all the time, so much so, my jaw pretty much aches at the end of each day. I have achieved things I never thought I could, and I have the Gospel of Jesus Christ in my Life.

I'm not stupid, I know I wont always be happy, there will be times when I feel down, or upset, and there have been a number of times I have felt this. But, I know I always have the choice to go out and be happy.

During Summer 2011, I went to a convention for Young Adults aged 18-30, I bought a whristband, which on one side, says "CHOOSE choose CHOOSE choose" then, when you turn it over, it says "Do you want to be happy now, or later?" I wear this wristband as a reminder, I am in control of my happiness, and I am choosing to be happy now.

This is the first time I've ever posted on a blog, and I'm probably going to be a lame writer. But its all peas and gravy.

Remember, you choose your happiness, no one else.